Toxic Positivity vs Real Emotional Health: Why 'Just Be Positive' Doesn't Work

Hey everyone, welcome to Psyche Compass! One of the things you'll quickly learn about me is that I cannot stand fake positivity. I just don't get it. Give me reality, as good or bad as it is, because at least then I know what I'm dealing with.

I'm talking about that relentless pressure to "think positive," to plaster a smile on everything, even when you're feeling down. You know, the kind that floods your Instagram (or TikTok, for the younger crowd) feed? The stuff that used to make me feel like a failure. Like all the trauma and negative things that happened to me were somehow my fault because I wasn't "thinking positive" hard enough.

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, one should maintain a positive mindset. It's the overgeneralization of happiness, resulting in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of genuine human emotion.

Think of it as positivity on steroids – pumped up to an unhealthy level where it becomes dismissive and invalidating.

Why is it Harmful?

For me, the biggest problem with toxic positivity is that it's incredibly isolating. When you're constantly told to "look on the bright side" or "just be happy," it feels like your real emotions aren't valid. It's like you're being told to shut up and pretend everything's okay, even when it's not.

And honestly, how can we wake up and instantly think: unicorns, rainbows, life is awesome... when most of us have to drag ourselves to jobs we hate, when we're running on fumes because of daily stress, when we're constantly worrying about money? Not to mention the constant bombardment from media sources with all that's happening in the world right now.

The "Gratitude Shaming"

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, and I AM a positive person. But not because I’m writing in my gratitude journal each day: “I’m grateful because I can walk” or “I’m grateful because I can see.” I strongly disagree with the way so many voices are feeding us this shame. "How can you be sad or stressed? Think of the paraplegic and then just be happy you can use your body!"

Well, let me call this what it is: totally and utterly bullshit.

It's okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or any other "negative" emotion. Those feelings are a natural part of being human. Suppressing them or trying to force yourself to be happy only makes things worse in the long run.

We have problems to resolve each day, we have to live our lives with everything that is thrown into our path, and I want to focus on solutions, not on being told that I should put a ribbon on it all and call it positivity.

So, What Can We Do Instead? Healthier Coping Mechanisms

Okay, so if forcing positivity isn't the answer, what is? Here are a few alternative coping mechanisms that I've found helpful:

• Acknowledge your feelings: Let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. It's okay to be sad, angry, or scared. Naming the emotion can be powerful.

• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

• Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about what you're going through.

• Focus on problem-solving: Instead of dwelling on the negative, try to identify concrete steps you can take to improve the situation.

• Set realistic expectations: Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Accept that there will be ups and downs, and be kind to yourself during the difficult times.

• Find healthy distractions: Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as reading, listening to music, spending time in nature, or exercising.

  
  

Actionable Tips for Your Life

• Curate your social media: Unfollow accounts that promote toxic positivity or make you feel bad about yourself.

• Practice mindful awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

• Challenge negative self-talk: Replace negative thoughts with more positive and realistic ones.

• Set boundaries: Say no to things that drain your energy or make you feel overwhelmed.

• Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments, no matter how small.

  
  

Your Journey Matters

Ultimately, your mental health journey is unique to you. There's no one-size-fits-all solution. Be patient with yourself, experiment with different coping mechanisms, and find what works best for you.

And remember, you're not alone. We're building this community at Psyche Compass to support each other through the ups and downs of life, without the toxic positivity.

What are your thoughts on toxic positivity? Share your experiences in the comments below!